Pro-activity and Pilates

It was a mini struggle to go to the contemporary and pilates evening classes today, fighting a way through the routinal tube strike, and sporting a heavy bagpack.

But - I did make the decision to go, after many changes of mind in the scope of the five minutes I had after finishing my last rehearsal today and the time I needed to get the bus.

I wonder nothing great has come of it - except the teacher remarking I looked tired, which I had been trying to hide.

I think my tired nature in the class was reflected through the following:

being worse at controlling my technique, indulging in certain movement patterns like rocking, missing oportunities to focus on breath, wondering about the dubious state of my own engagement, struggling to make pro-active decisions, seeing the music as rousing my energy, as opposed to inspiring my performance quality, making adjustments and expecting less of my technique.

In Pilates class actually I have closed my eyes and could quite comfortably have seen a little dream while my turn out muscles were burning through the exercise. My muscles were burning and working, my mind was sleeping. That was interesting.

One thing I think I have come to note is that nowadays I genuinely feel as though I could get through any class, even though I am tired. I used to block and drag myself through the class. Perhaps it is having the bodily strength to make the muscles work in the used way, even though they lack rest.